Saturday, April 4, 2009

Can You Fall Asleep in a Porn Movie?



"The Internet is for porn. Grab your dick and double click for porn, porn, porn."

The first time I saw a porn it was at a drive-in in the San Fernando Valley. You know, like, the Valley man, so like, whatever. I was probably about 18 or 19 and Fritz the Cat was showing, I think at the Sepulveda Drive-In but I could be wrong. It was so long ago, at least one husband (now an ex), two kids, and one grandson ago. The first movie was Kentucky Fried Movie which was funny and cheesy. But for some reason Fritz the Cat was just wrong...there seemed to be something perverted with getting off to animation. Like having an orgasm in front of Minnie Mouse or something. Ewwww. So I fell asleep. Yes, I did. We had already made out and done our thing. Back then the only "tinting" was heavy breathing and fogging up the windows. Kids are lucky nowadays. Even old grandma types have dark tinting on their cars, so gangster like. They don't have to worry about being busted by the cops on Mulholland shining their lights into the car trying for a quick peek. I always figured they were kind of perverted doing that.

I had a roommate whose boyfriend was a friend of my boyfriend. My roommate and I actually met through them. He was a student at Cal State Northridge going for a psychology degree...and he was most definitely a perv. (He ended up being a principal at a school. HAHA.) He suggested all of us go to a porn movie. Back then it was the Pussycat Theater. Do they still have those? Do they even need it anymore? It was so scandalous to be going, I felt naughty and adventurous at the same time. The marquee with the titles of the dirty movies and the XXX rating. I was so glad we were with another couple.

They did not have stadium seating which in retrospect I am deeply grateful for. I really did not want to know what the men sitting by themselves were doing. We irritated the hell out of one man. We busted porn protocol I guess by sitting directly behind this guy. We got a disgusted look and he got up and moved. I was so naive at first I could not figure out why he was mad. It took me a minute looking around at the theater to see that ALL the other patrons were men sitting all alone with no one sitting too close to someone else. All very polite and all. I mean, it was not a gay theater, these guys did not want anyone watching them get off...well, not another guy anyway. I am sure they would have loved to have my roommate and I watch.

I wish I could remember the names of the show we saw, something about candy stripers is all I remember. It might even have been a double feature but my memory is suspect on that point. I do remember it did float my boat. Was there something wrong with me? My roommate was so disgusted we left during the second movie. Ah, so we DID see two movies. She acted so offended and grossed out. Now I really knew there was something wrong with me. I only found it a little bit disgusting because all those men were jerking off around us. Yuck. I hope they had the "decency" to keep it off the seats. HAHAHA. Of course, this was all before AIDS was a big deal.

Do you know they really DID wear trench coats in the theater?

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