Fiddley Dee

Do you consider stuffing your lumpy midsection into a girdle as caving into misogyny and against all principles of feminism or is it a great invention? My sister-in-law said she was wearing a girdle the last time I saw her and she wasn't sure that was a good idea because of the muffin top and the incipient camel toe. I did not notice either one although I did not look too carefully for the latter.

Four years ago when my daughter was getting married, a whole herd of us women went dress shopping. Is there anything worse than shopping for a mother-of-the-bride dress? What is it with the long skirts and jackets? I am a sucker for sequins and sparkles but my daughter said no. I had planned on losing weight, but, well, you know how that goes. It was asking a lot to plan a wedding AND lose weight. I figured I might have to resort to a girdle but I was fighting it tooth and nail.

It was my mother and sister and daughters and aunts trying on dresses and girdles. My sister said there was no way she was going without a girdle so I let her be the guinea pig. I hate panty hose, I could not imagine wearing a girdle all day and all night. I figured the compression of all that fat had to be unhealthy in the long run. My sister picked a pretty black corset. We all were trying dresses on or sitting around giving bad advice on what to wear. Don't ever ask me; I have marginal taste at best. We could hear loud breathing and then finally a loud snort.

"Does it fit?" There was way too much laughter going on the dressing room to think this had a good outcome. "Yeah, it fits."

"How does it look?" Long silence.

"Well, if you want to look like a sausage this is the thing. It's pushing all the fat out the top which makes my boobs look weird and what's left is coming out the bottom."

Naive person that I am, I asked wasn't that the point of a girdle, to contain all the fat. She snorted and said the fat has to go SOMEWHERE.

I wore a loose dress on the day of the wedding. I'm no fool.