Crabs, Chocolate, and Buttholes

I had a squealin' good time last night. 

Book Club with the Book Babes at Pala Indian Casino.  At the buffet. At the buffet with crab, shrimp, salads, Mexican food, pizza, sandwich bar, steak, Asian food, soups.....

and, of course, dessert.

Cheese cake dipped in chocolate and then rolled in chocolate flakes with a lollipop stick.  Espresso cups with a chocolate covered coffee bean in a chocolate cup with edible gold leaf. Little pecan pies.  Little espresso cups with tira misu in it. They had TWO chocolate fountains with dark chocolate and white chocolate, which on my first go round at the desserts, I totally missed seeing. And they were about three and a half feet tall. Sheesh. Cookies. Cakes. Banana splits. Ice cream. Peach cobbler. Bread pudding (whatever that is). 

Oh, they also had flan. You know, that snot on a plate stuff. Yuck. Almost as bad as oysters (which they had, too). Feels like a booger going down. Not that I know what that is like. 

Oh, yes, we had dinner, too. Debbie and her hubby go for the crab when they can, so she knows the buffet well.  Chocolate Lover and Debbie brought back big plates covered with crab legs and a nut cracker type thing to help eat it. Man, and BFF thinks eating chicken wings is a lot of work~! HA! They were working for their food. Chocolate Lover said it helped burn calories so she could eat more chocolate. 

On my first plate, I got a salad. A plain salad. BFF gave me an F. I failed buffet? Do I get extra credit for devouring my weight in desserts? 

When we weren't talking about food, they were talking about dogs. Thia Karen told me if I wanted to meet men, I need to bring Indy to the dog park. She said there is a man there with kind of long hair in a pony tail. I am such a product of my time that I still like men with long hair. She said he has a nice dog who is named Indy after Indiana Jones. I looked at her in amazement. Are you kidding? You mean like my daughter's poop master, Indy? He is also named after Indiana Jones. She totally forgot about that. 

A match made in heaven perhaps? Wouldn't it be ironic if I meet a man though my dogs? 

We signed up for the Pala card so we could get $5 off the buffet and with the card you could play a machine for free. We each got one play. You picked five little piggies and they climbed this ladder and jumped into a pile of mud. I hope it was mud. When they jump, they made the weirdest noise. If they landed and did not "find" money they stayed with their piggy butts sticking up out of the mud with their little piggy tails looking all curly Q like. Sometimes they would come up from the mud with fists of cash. 

All I got was five buttholes sticking up in the air. 

I like book club. The next meeting is the Christmas cookie exchange at Debbie's house. More desserts!! 

Oh, yeah, we each get to pick our own book to read and do a book report on. 

Homework?!!  I may do it at the dog park...and say the dog ate it.

Take That~!

Do you talk while you are watching movies in the theater? Do ya? Do you crackle and rattle your candy wrappers at the quietest moment in a movie? Can't sit still through an entire movie and not have to get up over and over? 

Well, then don't sit next to Teddy Bear. Or around her. Okay, just stay the hell out of the theater when she is there. 

I bought the DVD "Up" yesterday and I wanted her to watch it because she missed it when it first came out. But all I could hear was clickety clackety as she updated Facebook and My Space, got up and down to get something, left lights on all over the house. She drove me nuts because I thought the movie rocked. 

Anyway, I got to thinking about the time we had gone to the movies together. I don't even remember the movie but the theater was not that busy. We sat in my favorite row, the first row with the barrier in front of it. It is not so close that you get a crick in her your neck but close enough. And I can stretch my short little legs out on the bar in front of me. Ah, I love it. 

We sit down and watch all the previews and what not. Some guy sitting in front of us, across the walkway, kept texting on his cell phone. The little blue light kept lighting up which was annoying the hell out of me because I LOVE previews. Finally, the house lights go out and the movie starts. He keeps texting and texting and texting. Now, remember there are not too many people in the theater. I am trying to watch the beginning of the movie when all of a sudden something flies across the theater and hits the texting man! Whoa. Who threw that? 

Ummmm...Teddy Bear. He looks around as if to complain but then sees Teddy looking right at him as if daring him to say something. He put his phone away. There is no way on god's green earth I could ever do that. I ask her what she threw at him.  Skittles, she says. 

Dang. I knew candy was good but I never thought it could be used as a silencer.  

I guess the next time I want her to watch a movie with me, I am going to have to drag her to the show with me. 

But the next time we watch a movie at home...I'm packing Skittles.  

Have You Seen a Head Rolling Around Anywhere?

Have you? It has long brown hair, freshly washed, no gray. No?

Somebody must have it because obviously the lump on my shoulders is not mine. A pod head? 

I missed my 100th post, totally blew by it. I just missed my 200th post. Did not notice until I hit post 208. 


I missed my Blogaversary. Yes, October 25, 2008 was the first time I posted and I totally let that anniversary go by without so much as a howdy doo. 


I never realized how true it is that when you have too much on your mind, your brain cells cease their hand holding function and start firing willy nilly. 


Teddy Bear has had some medical issues which are distressing. I have had billing issues with clients. My property management company has their head up their butt so far it is now threatening to replace their heart. What am I saying?!! They never had a heart to begin with. 


And my work computer may be dying. I make a living working at home....on my computer. Now it sounds like a VW bus chugging its way up the Grapevine...in the snow. Even with my headphones on, I can hear the little fan scraping along or whatever it is that is broken.


I ran to my favorite big box store and bought a computer on Friday. Something made me not open it and now it is Sunday morning and I realize what stopped me. The stupid new computer comes with Vista with a free upgrade to Windows 7....which means delays in getting it up and running, but more importantly, I have ancient software that probably will not run on either system! My most favorite software that I use to run my business is oldddddddd, Pleistocene era, created in 2001. 


I am now sitting here doing this post on my laptop wondering if living in a cardboard box is all that bad. I have a long extension cord. Can I plug into one your outlets? Please.


*sigh* Fine. Think of me today as I battle the bits and bytes. I know Jack Daniels won't help but do you think it will hurt?

Have You Ever Googled Your Blog Name?

Have you ever Googled your blog name? Or maybe Binged it? Checked it out on Wolfram Alpha? Did a look see on Yahoo? 

Apparently I was not terribly original. I was thinking about it because I was thinking of starting a new blog where I can wax philosophical on economics, finance, politics, blah, blah, blah. I would need to start a new blog because some of my bloggy friends say it is kind of boring when I get all Sam Donaldson on something or try to imitate Brit Hume. 

The first link on Google for Happy Hour Somewhere was to World of Warcraft....Teddy Bear would be so happy and Ruthless will think that is pretty cool. Or call me lame. Never sure with him. 

Bing.com had a link to Happy Hour Studios. Very cool stuff. 

Wolfram Alpha only said it wasn't sure how to compute an answer from my input. Sheesh. Does not compute. Does not compute. How hard is it to compute Happy Hour Somewhere? Swizzle me that, Batman. 

But Yahoo is now my new best friend. I was the first hit on Yahoo~! Even before the World of Warcraft link. I am so jazzed. 

Okay, I realize I am easily amused and entertained. 

I don't think too many people care who Peter Schiff is or why I think Goldman Sachs is the antichrist or why California is still headed for the crapper. I have learned so much from my blog friends and have had my views changed on many subjects. You CAN teach an old dog new tricks. (And I better not hear any beyotch jokes, dang it.) 

I bet I can make you start snoring now...Ben Bernanke, Timothy Geithner, Federal Reserve, recast vs. reset...zzzzzzz. 


Did you fall asleep? I guess my Book Babe buddy was right.


I will be using my little gray cells to come up with a name for my new blog though because my geeky self is getting excited about the videos I can post with the new blog. 


Maybe I better check with Wolfram Alpha first. 


On second thought, maybe not. My new input will definitely not compute.

Don't Piss Off a Table Full of Doggie Lovers

Do you really want to know what that is a picture of? Really?

I don't mind telling but then I have a habit of making my friends jam their hands over their ears and start singing "la la la, I'm not listening."

Yes, this adorable ball of fluff is on my enemies list. Gosh, I sound presidential saying that. Because right now if I were to catch him, I would be in the Super Bowl throwing a perfect spiral for a touch down, but instead of a pigskin, it would be fluffer butt. 


Of course, this picture also reflects badly on my housekeeping, so I truly am irritated about that, too. 


My doorbell rang the other day, and being the paranoid tin foil hat wearing person that I am, I have to know who is ringing my bell. I sneak into the living room to take a peek and almost step in it. And on it. 


Little piles of poo. 


Streaks of doggie dung. 


Yes, that is a picture of lots of poo. Doggie poo. Indy poo. 


As you can tell, I barely ever go in my living room. It is a pretty room with beautiful couches and an awesome book shelf but I park my butt on the family room couches. 


I was hopping mad. I sent off a snitty text message to Indy's trailer trash mommy (Teddy Bear) and tell her that when I get home that night there had damn well better be no shit on the floor. 


Lucky for her, Friday I went out and, well, today is Sunday and my head finally feels like it will not roll off. When I woke up Saturday morning, the only thing I could do was wonder if riding the porcelain bus might make me feel better. Never again. I'm old enough to know when to stop. Sheesh.


I had to sleep most of Saturday because every Halloween for years BFF and I go to Claim Jumpers for drinks at their happy hour. This is about our fourth year going there instead of passing out candy for rug rats and I did not want to be totally hung over and crabby.



My head is still not all there and lord help me there was no way I was drinking, but I go and we have a great time. Somehow we got on the subject of dogs. I am sitting with a table of dog LOVERS. 

Not dog likers. 

Not dog toleraters.


Dog lovers. 


And, unfortunately, both my dogs have jumped up and down on my last nerve this week. BARK BARK BARK bark bark bark bark bark. My fat weiner dog is going deaf so lord knows why he is barking and I have to admit I get a hoot out of sneaking up on him to yell at him to shut up for gawd's sake, but he does not hear me because, well, he's deaf, but then I poke his fat weiner dog body and he jumps a mile. Oh man, it is so funny. 

He used to be able to jump so high he could snatch food out of your hand when you were standing up. Now, when he jumps, just part of his paws come up off the ground. He looks like a fat ballerina trying to get up on some new toe shoes but he never actually leaves the ground. Bark, tippy toe, bark, tippy toe. 


So, no, I was not everyone's favorite person last night. They have this idea that dogs are....are...people. So, I guess I'm in the dog house with all my doggie lover friends. 


I hope they give me a pretty flea collar. And, at least, I know better than to use the carpet as toilet paper.

My Armpits are Very Sad

Can someone tell me why, oh why, razor blades cost an arm and a leg? 

Come on. It is not such a high tech piece of wizardry that a package from my favorite big box store should cost almost $30! Over $2 a blade. I can buy precision tools that will last a lifetime with that kind of money. I can buy little thumb drives that hold gigabytes of data for that money. I can buy some lovely aged whiskey for that money. 


But something to scrape the stubbly hair from my armpits is that expensive? I know they can be stubborn those follicle fellows. I know I want a smooth shave. No one wants little nubbies left, but still....


I say we all get mad as hell and not shave anymore. No? I guess long armpit hair would be pretty gross. Rapunzel would have a whole different meaning if it had been armpit hair.

The Kiosk of Acne and Dueling Pianos

Back in downtown San Diego last night. 

Did you know that The Shout House has $1 beers during Happy Hour....all kinds of beer? I like beer but if I drink beer out in a place like this I get to know the bathroom better than the bar. Having a wee bladder is such a handicap. It's so bad, I get to know all the artwork in the bathrooms, the shapes of the tiles, the sinks with no soap.


We parked in the Horton Plaza parking lot and had to go into the mall itself to get our ticket validated. It has been such a long time since I have been at a mall and Horton Plaza is amazing. It is a 3 or 4-story outdoor mall with levels running all over the place like an Escher painting. 


We wandered around looking for the validation machine peeking into the windows at the cute clothes. I wish I was a size 6 again. Sigh. Oh. And had money to spend on clothes. 


JuJuBeez and I were having so much fun following my Baby Brother like puppies while he looked for the machine and then for an ATM. Do you know what I found? I had to take a picture because it just seemed so odd. 

What? A giant snack machine for acne medicine? I am so perplexed. Is this the wave of the future? I kept waiting for Jane and Judy Jetson to come flying in.


We walked to the Shout House and because we were early it was only a $5 cover charge. There a giant line of people across the street waiting for the Haunted Hotel on Market Street just around the corner. The Shout House is a dueling piano bar where you suggest songs for them to play and if you play the video you can see they are also naughty and like to embarrass the crap out of people.



Yes. I drank way too much and sang way off key and I think I was the oldest person there by a healthy margin. And I sent a drunk text picture to BFF's son, Ruthless, of the pianos and then meant to send him a second text to join us since his new GF lives in downtown, but I forgot to send the second message. All he got was a fuzzy picture of some pianos. Thank heaven he was actually back in Temecula and did not get the message right away. He already knows I'm kinda crazy.



Next time I go I need to have a list of songs to suggest. Some songs were so bad but the nice thing is you can pay them to stop singing it. Hee, hee. It became a battle for some people to get a song played. Beatle songs were a big hit...and those are older than me.