Monday, August 10, 2009

Honest, I Can See



My birthday is coming up...on September 11th. Yep. My brother was born on December 7th. Yep. If this keeps up, there will be a disaster on all of my siblings' birthdays.

My license expires next month and I still have not heard from the DMV. They found me to register my car and thanks to Governor Girlie Man my bill is a lot higher this year for the "privilege" of driving my car on the streets of California.

I am hoping, and if I was a praying type person, I would totally be praying that I do not have to actually go in to renew my license. The last time was a nightmare. Not because they were slow. No, I made an appointment and only waited a few minutes to start the bureaucratic drivel. As I am waiting in line to take the eye test, I am thinking to myself, "Piece of cake, self. Those charts are like neon sign big. I should probably memorize them but, shoot, I can read them just fine, no need to cheat."

My turn. The fine bureaucrat tells me to read one of the lines from chart B. Easy peasy. Then she asks me to cover my right eye and read the sign. Uh oh. As with everything in my life right now, nothing is balanced, not even my eyeballs. My left eye is farsighted. That's good. Reading chart B is easy. Now cover your left eye. Shitty shit shit. Where the hell did the chart go? You would think I would remember the letters since I just read them for the nice lady. No, no, you would be soooo wrong. I struggle, guess, hem and haw. Finally, she has me look into a machine. What the frig? When does the dastardly DMV turn into optometrists? She asks me over and over if I can read the lines. Just give me my license. She asks me if I wear glasses to drive? Nope. I've never needed them because, you see, I drive with BOTH eyes open. Call me crazy.

She gives me my license, sends me to get a new picture, but tells me that next time I will probably need glasses to get my license. But I don't have glasses for driving. Lord help me.

Gosh, I guess I do know how to pray.

13 comments:

Flores Hayes said...

a great find for panda fanatic!
my roomate won't put it down!!!
hkpanda.freetzi.com

Housewife Savant said...

I'm interested (distracted by) the comment above. It has nothing to do with unicorns, and still I am flummoxed.
And I digress...
Aside from selling senate seats, Blogo made DL renewal easy in Illinois. Good thing, cuz I can't see out of my left eye.
If there wasn't 2/3 of a continent betwixt us we'd make a great team. Go unicorns!

@eloh said...

I love pandas, unicorns, and for a great time call 867-5309 and ask for Jenny.


Back to the bar, what I was going to say before I got all excited about...birthdays, right, maybe your mom is like Nostradamus only she didn't write in quatrains she birthed babies.

I have more to say...about getting old and going blind and how it sucks but going deaf can be fun and entertaing but instead I have to hurry up and get off the computer so I can call the Panda Abuse Hotline.

Happy Hour...Somewhere said...

I am afraid to click on her name to find out what a panda fanatic can't put down. @eloh, was it that bad? Did Flores Hayes want a good time...with a panda? Deeply disturbing. 4:30 in the morning is too early for weird shit.

HS--Do you think Blogo could give Gov Girlie Man some lessons? You see, at least corrupt people tend to be smart. I think California's entire legislature are cerebrally challenged. Brain cells have atrophied until all they know is spend, spend, spend.

@eloh said...

I don't know...I ain't going to peek in on old Flores (male or female?) and the room mate with the panda love. I might be crazy but I ain't "stooopid".

Renee said...

I love the story of the licence. I just got my picture the other day. The last one I was bald so I figured this one would have to be better.

I look like a white ghost fading into the background.

Renee xoxo

Southern Sage said...

I did the same thing last time @ DMV, Had I not known the girl I suspect they would have not passed me. I see fine when I squint,sheeeesh.

September birthday people it seems are smarter, better looking and better lovers. Just my experience.

L said...

OMG! My new post is all about my new purchase...my first pair of reading glasses. Ugh!

Happy Hour...Somewhere said...

Renee--I understand they are not letting you smile when you take your picture now, too. Probably for the best. I mean whenever I get pulled over, I'm never smiling (unless I think it will help. The "girls" don't help when you are over 50.) I bet my friend who just finished chemo is glad she did not have to take a DMV picture! Now, her hair is beautiful again.

Sage--September people unite! Keep on squinting...very Clint Eastwood like.

L---HAHAHA. Since everything you wear looks good, I bet the new reading glasses make you look like a hot librarian or something.

namaste said...

LOL! you tell a great license story.

i'm still chuckling over: "...i drive with both eyes open. call me crazy."

as for 9/11, it's unfortunate that such a devastating tragedy happened on your b-day. but it will never outweigh the original wonderful event that your birthday is: the birth of YOU!

happy birthday!

Funnyrunner said...

well geez am I glad I don't live near you! You can just keep your "I can mostly see" self out there in California! ;)

When my boys were little and I was going insane, I needed to renew my driver's license on a sat. morning while the husband watched the boys. I hoped and prayed that they would take forever so I could have some alone time but, alas, damn bureaucrats were efficient.

The best thing I have EVER done (besides push out the two boys) was to get my eyes lasered. AWESOME life difference.

My neighbor's daughter's bday is September 11th, too...

Let's see - what else can I ramble on about on your blog? Oh-- hey - go get some glasses, lady! ;)

mzbehavin said...

The panda lady's profile isn't available..... I'm really disappointed.... Oh, I'm sorry. rambling about nothing here, aren't I???

Reading glasses are overrated......

Bi Focals are NOT to be discussed......

but driving with both eyes open.......

That's good.....

You should probably keep doing that......

Organic Meatbag said...

I went to my DMV and they had me read a McDonald's placemat for my eye test...I had to follow the path to set the Hamburglar free from jail...