Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Frugal People of the World Unite~!

From a letter to the editor of the Vail Daily:

"All you people who own and drive gas-guzzling SUVs out there, as far as i'm concerned, you are all eco-terrorists! You need to beimmediately arrested, jailed and have your vehicles forcibly confiscated from you. I advocate long prison terms for your willful idiocy!

You are destroying your children's future by condemning them to a planet that will not support life anymore because you are belching out ungodly amounts of CO2 from your SUVs, causing irreversible global climate change to occur.

Are you aware that millions and millions of innocent men, women and children are dying on this planet every single day, just so you can live in million dollar condos and drive around in luxury vehicles?

I urge the Obama administration and the state legistlatures to immediately criminalize all SUVs and stop this insanity before it destroys us all! If you wasteful American idiots resist, may you be either thrown into government-operated FEMA concentration camps or taken out and shot.

Take it from Richard Heinberg and his book, “The Party's Over.” Get it through your thick heads!

Enough of your madness!

Wren Guzman"

Good lord.

So what else should be illegal and cause us to be thrown in jail for? I think all the teenagers who throw their fast food crap out of car windows should go to jail for being ecoterrorists. Then we could send Jack in the Box to jail with them so he can keep Ronald McDonald company.

Come on, folks, I'm sure you are guilty of some ecoterrorism and need to purchase carbon credits and offsets. I wonder if planting a tree absolves me of my sins?

I think frugal people of the world probably have the right idea. If you squeeze a nickel until it cries uncle, you are probably being green. They reduce because damn if they are going to buy anything, they reuse everything (wash their plastic sandwich bags, Cool Whip containers, etc.) and recycle. They definitely recycle. They paid that damn nickel to the state for recycling and they are going to get it back. I had a friend who thought it was an outrage that coffee could cost $3.00 or a martini could be $15.00. She brown bagged it every day and you know what? Because she watched every penny, it was a great diet! No gluttony allowed when you are frugal.

So we should all happily wear the title cheapskate, frugal, tightwad and tell everyone we are being green. And maybe we can stay out of jail where all the SUV driving moms are organizing a penitentiary PTA.


the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

Methane is a stronger greenhouse gas than carbon dioxide.

Everyone who farts gets shot.

Happy Hour...Somewhere said...

My god. Wives could totally have their husbands arrested for fluffing the covers then~! Brilliant as always Mjenks.

Housewife Savant said...

Seriously? I'll be green as grass when somebody else pays for how expensive it is.
For now frugal will do just fine.

Happy Hour...Somewhere said...

Housewife--You said a mouthful there. I cannot begin to imagine how expensive this is going to be...and intrusive. Look at ole Wren here, she wants us to go to jail for driving an SUV. Won't happen here in California because we are letting people OUT of prison because we ran out of green stuff, so I'm safe driving my mini-van for now. And if business keeps going the way it is now, I will be a black belt in frugal and tightwaddery~!

@eloh said...

I'm working on an invention where the occupants of the vehicle all eat beans (very Eco friendly) then by a special "device" (the one I am designing) can deliver their farts/methane directly into the fuel tank.

Kind of one step away from the Flintstone thing, where all riders must contribute to the fuel.

This would eliminate "that person" that never seems to have change when it is time to divvy of the gas bill.

Happy Hour...Somewhere said...

@eloh--I sincerely hope you are creating cool looking gas masks, too. Well, I guess if it's like the Fred Flintstone mobile, it is pretty ventilated already. And you can bring your dog along to add to your mileage. I wonder what you would call it? Miles per gaseous puffs? How much flatulence per bean input? My daughter has great licorice farts. (I hope she doesn't read this.)

Southern Sage said...

I say every house should have a fart collection site, mandatory. If one breaks wind they must put one dollar in the collection pot. The fart collector should come by every months and get the money, because evidently the gas is eco-unfriendly!

Happy Hour...Somewhere said...

Well, dang it, Sage, don't go give the tax collector any ideas, although their name would be much more appropriate. Fart collector has a much more pungent quality to it. Yes, I think you are on to something there.

namaste said...

nothing like talking farts to put the finishing touch on an already good post! i'm kind of frugal but i drive an suv. see you in lock-up!

Happy Hour...Somewhere said...

Namaste I know! And for once, I didn't start the talk about farting...mjenks did! I knew you would love that letter. She probably lives with your Obamanaut. Well, maybe not, that person drives a car and we know how evil that is.

Funnyrunner said...

uh-oh. I have a ford expedition... but um... I don't drive it anywhere, I swear!