Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Happy Shiny People

Now they've done it. San Francisco is a city that prides itself on do-gooderism. This is a city that has a rule for everything. Here in good old Temecula, if I don't feel like sorting my used beans and weanie cans from my glass bottles of Jack Daniels, then dang it, I don't. My recycling barrel sits forlornly on the side of the house, a silent gray rebuke of my gross neglience of the planet. But then, to be on my own side, the only trash I generate otherwise is pizza boxes. I take out my shameful-headed-to-spoil-mother-earth regular trash every two weeks. But if I lived in San Francisco I could be fined! Yes. That's right. For not rooting through my own trash like truffle seeking pig and sorting the wheat from the chaff (I know, metaphor alert), I would be fined. $100 dollars the first time and $1000 after that. You heard me. ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS. Now, tell me, dear taxpayer. I work hard for my money and I did not plan to send my money to Governor Girlie Man so he could PAY someone to peek in my trash. That seems wrong on so many levels. I mean, a dumpster diver does it for free, all he wants is the good stuff.

But that actually isn't why I started this post. No, I started this post because San Francisco needs to import more homeless people. Yes, yes, they do. The caliber of homeless there is just not right. One of their homeless was charged with assault on another homeless person! What do you mean that's not shocking? He hit his fellow human homeless with a skate board. So very wrong. First of all, he should get a Nobel Peace Prize for riding a vehicle with such a low carbon foot print. He is the ultimate representative of being a Green Warrior. You know what, I think that's what San Francisco should call their homeless from now on--Green Warriors. They don't drive evil SUVs, they don't live in McMansions gobbling up more than their fair share of resources, they have very little stuff (only what they can push in a cart or two), they don't use a lot of water (which gives them a big B.O. foot print, but hey, San Franciscans, everyone has to make a sacrifice).

Anyhow, this Green Warrior was discussing quantum physics and splitting atoms when this other Green Warrior decked him in the face with his low pollution skateboard. I guess maybe the first GW did not know his quark from his anus and the second GW was letting him in know in no uncertain terms exactly how quantum physics hangs. Think about it. We can stop sending our kids to high falutin' colleges with fancy foilage and send them to Grand Avenue in San Francisco to get an education.

Maybe Governor Girlie Man can help subsidize the helmets and padding.


@eloh said...

I'm stunned. I didn't think they (Calif.) could get any weirder than Brown, but seems they have.

Karen Carter said...

What no grey? I dont think we can be friends anymore : )........Mine is almost empty too. Maybe a cereal box of soda case. But I agree who has time for all that? Very clever post. You crack me up!

L said...

Oh, geez! I would be homeless for sure if I had to pay fines for not recycling. I do what I can until the recycle bin gets full, but then the rest goes in the regular trash. They need that money though to help fund the upcoming study on why men don't like to wear condoms. That's very important stuff! (Boneheads!) Hey, I don't blame the homeless guy for hitting the other guy with his skateboard...that's some boring stuff that guy was talking about, had to shut him up somehow!

Anonymous said...


Pearl said...

I have a friend who believes that there's money to be made by hiring the homeless to sort through the recycling. I'm not sure how sound his thinking is on that but who else wants to do other people's recycling?

As for the fine, MAN! That's pretty hefty. I live in Minneapolis, where we have to sort our recycling into cans, aluminum, glass, plastic, and paper. If you don't do it, they don't pick it up and you get a pink naughty sticker on your recycling bin. As I am pro-Earth and anti-sticker, I try to stick to the rules.

Nice post!