Honest, I Can See

My birthday is coming up...on September 11th. Yep. My brother was born on December 7th. Yep. If this keeps up, there will be a disaster on all of my siblings' birthdays.

My license expires next month and I still have not heard from the DMV. They found me to register my car and thanks to Governor Girlie Man my bill is a lot higher this year for the "privilege" of driving my car on the streets of California.

I am hoping, and if I was a praying type person, I would totally be praying that I do not have to actually go in to renew my license. The last time was a nightmare. Not because they were slow. No, I made an appointment and only waited a few minutes to start the bureaucratic drivel. As I am waiting in line to take the eye test, I am thinking to myself, "Piece of cake, self. Those charts are like neon sign big. I should probably memorize them but, shoot, I can read them just fine, no need to cheat."

My turn. The fine bureaucrat tells me to read one of the lines from chart B. Easy peasy. Then she asks me to cover my right eye and read the sign. Uh oh. As with everything in my life right now, nothing is balanced, not even my eyeballs. My left eye is farsighted. That's good. Reading chart B is easy. Now cover your left eye. Shitty shit shit. Where the hell did the chart go? You would think I would remember the letters since I just read them for the nice lady. No, no, you would be soooo wrong. I struggle, guess, hem and haw. Finally, she has me look into a machine. What the frig? When does the dastardly DMV turn into optometrists? She asks me over and over if I can read the lines. Just give me my license. She asks me if I wear glasses to drive? Nope. I've never needed them because, you see, I drive with BOTH eyes open. Call me crazy.

She gives me my license, sends me to get a new picture, but tells me that next time I will probably need glasses to get my license. But I don't have glasses for driving. Lord help me.

Gosh, I guess I do know how to pray.