The Gov

Before I start my Saturday and get ready for family, I have one more post. Governor William J. Le Petomane was a hoot in Blazing Saddles. The Gov was the bomb. He was an honestly corrupt politician. Did you know Le Petomane was a real person? He was a French entertainer who apparently had remarkable control of his abdominal muscles and could....fart at will. The Fartiste as it were. It translates into the Fart Maniac. Mel Brooks is a gas.

I figure our good governator, Arnold, should have a jacket that says The Gov and I would rather he fart than pass (get it, pass?) new taxes.



Have a great Saturday~!

Snark Attack

Mizwrite has a post on Heroes that I liked and got me to thinking. I said that I am pretty sick and tired of cynicism being thought of as sophisticated and difficult. I mean how hard is to be negative and mean? And if you write well you are probably a best seller.

But...I love a good snark. I love irony. To me that takes so much more brain cells firing than cynicism. I was reading the Washington Post blog, Achenblog, which I just discovered. What snarky fun it is. He is writing about something as mind numbingly boring as what is REALLY in the budget that the President submits? He said all the fun stuff is in the appendix. He talks about how NASA got an "extra $900 million more dollars than the Bush administration's last budget request, which by my calculation will allow it to fire three more satellites into the ocean every year." He has a story in the Washington Post about the satellite "orbiting earth at the bottom of the Indian Ocean."

Kathleen Parker is another snarky columnist as is Maureen Dowd and Michelle Malkin. Christopher Hitchens is probably snarky, too, but his writing is so, so....well, let us say I can read a sentence he has written and not be sure I am speaking the same language. I have seen him on TV though and he is hysterical, even if you don't agree with him. Anybody who can flip off the Bill Maher audience has got to be snarky.

Maybe that is the hallmark of good snark, humor and a quick wit. Jon Stewart leaps to mind here. I like when they pick on all politicians and all issues, not just cherry pick the ones they are against. Hollywood is liberal, so they make fun of conservatives and do a mighty fine job of it, but there is plenty of humor to be had at the expense of the liberal world. We have a fine new Democratic Attorney General, Eric Holder, who says Americans are cowards when it comes to discussing race, and yet they have a fine Democratic member of the senate, Robert Byrd, who was a member of the KKK. Grand Wizard I understand. Now tell me there isn't a good snark in there somewhere.

A good snark takes what you think you know and pushes it outside the box. Kind of the same thing a good reporter should do, but without the sarcasm.

Visual DNA and E-Harmony

So have you taken the Visual DNA quiz? Come on, go on over and do it, it's fun. I took the quiz one night with my sister-in-law and her friend Manelli. We were drinking, so perhaps the results were skewed a little. Hee, hee. Manelli took a long time picking out one picture from each category. She is a very methodical organized human being, so it took her a while. JuJuBeez and I were starting to get paranoid. Maybe we answered all the questions wrong? Can we do it again? What does it all mean?

I take the quiz and I think I am being honest with myself, but I get the results and think, some of them are right on, but some are so wrong it is funny. The moods analysis seemed pretty right on but the fun segment was so not me. "For kicks, nothing beats an adrenalin rush." Me? Adrenaline rush? HAHAHA. "You're confident and brave--life is for the living." I'm a hermit in the making and it was a long time before I got brave enough to call businesses on the phone and try to resolve an issue. What if they yell at me?

As a joke, I went back and picked the opposite of what I would normally do. Do you know that that revealed a lot about me too~!??

So what does this have to do with E-Harmony you ask? I went on their website awhile ago and filled out their endlessly long questionnaire. It was so hard. You have to be honest so that they match you correctly. But when you read the questions you feel like cheating. I mean who doesn't want to be thought of as honest, loyal, affectionate, hard working, blah, blah, blah? Who wants to date someone who takes procrastination to new Olympic levels? Who wants to date someone who just discovered how to use a blow dryer? Make-up? What's that?

So I fill it out and I am pretty sure I put in there not to send me anyone over the age of 55 and they should live in or near Temecula or even down to San Diego. (I go there a lot.) What do I get? Sheesh. It looked like early bird special day at the local cafeteria in Hemet. Facing reality is a bitch.

Manelli is a psychologist, maybe she can shrink me up a bit so I can fill these dang things out and start dating again. Dating? I met my ex-husband when I was 16 and divorced at age 50. What do I know about dating? Nada. Not a thing. Zippo. Zilch. Okay, I am having palpitations here. I did get a good piece of advice from a man who met his new wife on Match.com. He said do not put older pictures of yourself on your profile, you know, the ones when you used to be hot, thin, young. He said to be honest. Sigh. There is that truth thing again. I wish he would just introduce me to one of his Marine officer buddies and save me the trouble.

I think I will try again and I will keep you posted.

Freaky Friday

Another Freaky Friday. This is making Happy Hour more like the Horrid Hour. If we have a depression coming, does that means drinks will be even cheaper at Happy Hour? Brother, can you spare a dime?

The headline is: "Economy Shrinks at Worst Pace in 25 Years." The taxpayers get a bigger share of Citigroup. Wells Fargo, swell guys that they are, are suspending bonuses for top executives. It makes you wonder what makes a top executive. I am sure I could run a Fortune 500 company into the ground as well as any Top Bozo. Or this headline: "New Home Sales at Record Low." "Fannie Mae: $25.2 Billion Loss." "FDIC: Number of Problem Banks Increases Sharply in Q4."

I figure I am going to be like the starfish in "Finding Nemo" and find a happy place. You know, relax, take a deep breath. Maybe I should learn to speak whale.

Falling

I love this video. I love the flying, the song, the beauty. Part of me so wants to do something like this, but I know damn well that if you put me at the edge of one of these cliffs, I would have to crawl to the edge. I would be hyperventilating, sweaty, clammy, and ready to pass out from fear. The knocking sound you would hear would be my knees and my teeth chattering. I would be lucky to have the courage to even peek over the edge. I mean, are these people mad? I think they would have to throw me over the edge wailing and screaming.

So why on earth do I want to do this? Are there any shrinks out there who could put be on a cyber couch and tell me why, oh why, I even begin to think I want to do this? I mean climbing to the top of the ladder to put the star on a Christmas tree tests my fear of heights. I remember going to a space needle, I think it was in San Antonio, and we get to the top, the elevator opens, and I can barely move. I mean it took everything I had to get off the elevator and move toward the glass windows. I don't know if you have ever been in a space needle, but the wind buffets them pretty well, so the damn thing is swaying. It felt like being drunk but without the nice bottle of Jack Daniels. At least being drunk, I would have a good excuse for barfing.

I like to go fast. I could never have a truly fast sports car because they would throw me in jail and I am too much of a chicken to go to jail. I had the opportunity at about age 25 to go on high speed taxi ride in a T-38 jet. The Air Force used them at flight school for their pilots. I had to wear a flight suit, the helmet, but I got to wear my own tennis shoes. They let us steer down the taxi way with the canopies open. That was hysterical watching the wives try to steer a straight line. One by one we got into position on the runway and then we went screaming down the runway almost to the speed you would take off, but then we had to stop. I still remember the feeling of not wanting to stop. Keep going, take off~! I had no idea speed felt like that. In Top Gun, when he says he feels the need for speed, I had a small, very small, taste of that.

When I watch this video, I guess I want to feel that sense of speed and freedom. A friend of mine gets to fly, FLY, damn it, in a Blue Angel jet this weekend. She will truly learn what speed is. I told her even if she blows chunks, she will have a great time.

And if she meets a nice single pilot, about age 50 or so, to please get their number.

A Slice of Chicago in Culver City

It was so funny that I picked the crush on Brian Williams for the previous post on going to the Bonnie Hunt Show, and they do a short segment on her visit to New York and her crush on Brian Williams~! And, then I have a post called One Peeps Man about tattoos and Kat Von D and, well, heck, she is on the show that I saw taped yesterday. I am watching "Return to Me" while I write this loaned to me by my Book Babe buddy. If this was paper, you would see the tear drops. What a great movie. Now I really have to find it in the store so I can watch it again.

I wish I had pictures to show you of our trip to Culver Studios to see the show, but they allow no cameras. Do you know how frustrating that is? You go to a film studio and can't take pictures?? There are so many interesting shots I wanted to show you, but, alas, no such luck. They even have a metal detector now.

Bonnie's show more than makes up for that slight indiscretion. She is so damn funny and quick. She goes out into the audience after each show and talks to the people. She used to be a nurse and people just seem to flock to her. We have seen Ellen, and I loved her as Dori in "Finding Nemo," but her show was run so coldly and professionally, I felt like a prop in the seat. Stand up, dance, clap, laugh, sit down, look interested. The warm up guy I wanted to go down and cram the microphone down his throat.

I was so hungry waiting for the show to start. We left Temecula about 10 in the morning, got to Culver City about 11:40, waited for them to let us in at about 1 or so, then sat and waited until 1:40 when they finally let us in to sit down. I was dying for my hot dog and root beer by that time. I love hot dogs and even though I do not like mustard I ate mine anyway. Two ladies were in front of us and they did not want their hot dogs, so they did not take them. Book Babe and I were upset; they could have passed their hot dogs our way. I did mention I was hungry, right?

We saw Rosie Perez. What a hoot! She told funny stories and cooked a dish with no name, fish and smashed potatoes. There was show and tell with 3 sisters, their hairless cat and their pet rats. When the cage broke and fell that was holding the rats I thought for sure they were going to scurry off somewhere. They were huge! The little girl just picked them up and held them the entire segment. Kat Von D came out and told a little bit about her family and the story behind some of her tattoos. She can play the piano, even has tattoos of Beethoven. I thought she was adorable. We also saw Helen Hunt, who I loved in As Good As It Gets.

We went to Trader Joe's afterwards to get snacks to make it home and then we went to Claim Jumpers. Sheesh. Food seems to be a theme here.

Kat Von D brought her book for the audience to take home~! Johnny was not happy because Teddy Bear is starting to get ideas about tattoos again. I wish I could have it autographed. Maybe I can make a trip to L.A. and visit her tattoo studio. Well, if Teddy Bear lets me.

Twelve Step Program for Blog Hopping

I was reading Jeanne's Life Right Now post called Oy which had a comment by Mizwrite which I clicked on her name because it was a link and Jeanne said she really enjoyed her blog and Jeanne has made some great suggestions for blogs before, so off I go to Mizwrite's blog. Loved it and what does any self-respecting blogger do when finding a new blog? Maybe not self- respecting but an endlessly and easily distracted blogger do? You check out the archive, fan favorites (if they are a popular blog), and most especially their blog roll. Which led me to the List Addicts blog, and then magically on to Cake Wrecks, where I found these "precious" cakes.






This is when I really miss Jeanne~! I am so glad she is a blogging buddy now. Is there a serenity prayer for blog addicts? "Hello. My name is Happy Hour...Somewhere and I am a blog addict." Come on now. Don't tell me you didn't click over to Cake Wrecks to find out about Olivia's cake? What on earth possesses someone to make an anatomically correct cake of someone giving birth? The comments on the original post were soooooo funny.

I had to resist adding my two cents though. I wanted to comment: Twat the hell?

Like I said. I need help. Anyone know a good blog for this?