Sunday, January 3, 2010

Pizza Dawg



Okay, it starts with the girl on the show "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant" and ends up on "Mystery Diagnosis" who dies briefly. She is then on the show "I Was Dead." She gets depressed and starts "Hoarding" and eats "33,000 Calories a Day," so then she has to go onto the show "The Biggest Loser." Unfortunately, she loses weight and then and gains all her weight back and goes on the show "Confessions of a Reality Show Loser." She then kills herself and ends up on "Ghost Hunter." Maybe Ghost Hunter International. 

By the way, a pizza dawg is a hot dog from Costco wrapped in a slice of pizza from Costco. 

Good lord. It has been a long lazy weekend. The kids have been watching way too much TV.



I stepped on the scale and took a picture....and no way am I broadcasting that picture to anyone. I have been in a state of denial and the pyramid is now poking me in the arse to let me know it is time. Time to lose weight. Time to exercise. Time to stop pretending. My Walter Mitty days are over. 


My size 12 jeans are going to be an emblem of my past. I have a closet full of "skinny" clothes. I keep trying to bribe myself with a new wardrobe if I lose weight but since I am not all the girlie girl, that does not seem to be the best motivation. I am hoping that having to see my ex's new girlfriend, probably sooner than I want, will be enough to motivate me. Teddy Bear says she is nice, but she is tall, blonde, thin, athletic and pretty. I am short, have dark hair, and plump...and athletics are fun to watch.



Bitch.


Ooops, sorry. That just snuck right outta of me.


Starting yesterday, Saturday, I started my new diet. I lost tons of weight on this diet last time, so I hope it works again. 


I also promised myself to stop eating every bite like a rabid dog. I never realized how quickly I gobbled food. This is probably a remnant of having 3 younger brothers who could inhale an entire box of cereal in the morning, so you had to eat quickly if you wanted to eat. When I actually chew instead of gulp, and really taste the food, the longer it takes to eat, and amazingly (to me anyways) the faster I feel full. I read somewhere that those fancy French ladies eat like that, too. 


I am going to try to find a widget or something to keep track of how much weight I have lost and post it on my blog. Maybe way on the bottom where you have to hunt to find it since I have to lose at least 50 pounds. 


Here's to a new body in 2010~!




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30 comments:

Menopausal New Mom said...

I loved this post! That is a sad sight, that lady choking down more food when she can't even get out of bed.

Well, I have to say I laughed at your post, you have a great sense of humor and that's exactly what we will all need as we tackle this battle of the big butt! I have 35 pound to lose and I'm not sure I'm gonna post that photo either.

We'll see

Elliott said...

I can't watch videos like that. Any gruesome reality medical anomaly shows don't work for me. However, I understand the need to lose 50 pounds (on the conservative side), the weight I've gained in the last 4.5 years, and really should do something proactive about it. I've done it before, but it's never easy. If you find a counter, I'd love to know about it.

Elliott said...

But even if I manage, I'll still be the Nerdy Fat Guy. Just sayin.

ninekindsofcrazy said...

I'd kill to be a size 12. Best of luck on the Lose it Bitch challenge!

Sandi said...

Add my name to the list of people who want (and need) to lose weight. Motivation is the toughie - especially since I quite wearing bathing suits 5 years ago!

Karen Carter said...

Ok ok this got me thinking...Thinkin about that dam hot dog at Costco!! just kidding I am going to eat better too. No more junk and being more mindful if I am hungry. And damn you thinking size 12 are too big! You are my goal weight! Too bad I jsut gave away all my skinny clothes they would have fit you :) I love you and do not think you are chubby! xoxo

English Rider said...

They say that writing something down increases the chances of success by a factor of 75. A good first step and it can be done without hunger pangs. Good Luck.

English Rider said...

p.s. purely for motivational reasons I should mention that your U.S. size 12 is a U.K. 14!!! (I won't tell you where that leaves me)

Chantel said...

Personally, my demon is cheese. ANY cheese. Oh, and did we mention alcohol? The only thing I can pass on is ye ole vodka a'la crystal light! But be wary, fellow happy-hour-ers, it'll smack ya quick...careful with the carb-friendly fruity goodness.

Laoch of Chicago said...

Sadly the answer is to embrace vegetables.

adrienzgirl said...

I posted my picture and it galled me to do so. I try to stay outta photos! :D I figure the embarrassment will motivate me!

Mad Woman said...

I had my picture posted yesterday and today my weight is posted. Mor-tif-ying! Glad to see you're in the club with us!! Should be an interesting 4 months eh?

Red Writer said...

Shut up! You are not a size 12! Okay, I hear ya. I need to loose about 20 pounds. I put batteries this weekend in my pedometer and found I don't walk nearly enough. I tried jiggling my leg to see if it logs it as a step, but that didn't work either.
You can do it! You and your BB have the gift of once you decide something, you go all out.
If you go walking, can you pull me in a wagon while I eat a pizza Dawg?

Secretia said...

You have my total understanding. 50 pounds is a big project, I know it can be done, the first 10 will make you feel 10 years younger!

Secretia

Alex said...

I'm so glad everyone is jumping on board!

Videos like that scare me...why live like that?

Only answer is to shut our mouths and move our butts.

Good luck, work hard!

Working Mommy said...

Good luck!!! You can DOOOOOO IT!

~WM

Christina said...

Hey! Good luck with the weight loss!!

Tattoos and Teething Rings said...

I'm sure most of us could stand to lose a few pounds, but don't worry about the new girlfriend. I bet she's mental or something ;)

theothermommy said...

You can do it! 50 lbs, 4 months, that's about 12 lbs a month, 3 a week!
Besides we are all cheering each other on, it's much harder to give up that way!

The Peach Tart said...

Oh hell I'm doing the same thing.

Aunt Juicebox said...

I told myself I'd buy 5 new tshirts that all have a bacon theme. I have plenty of clothes, but I refuse to buy more in my size. I want a bacon shirt but I refuse to buy it til I can buy it in a smaller size.

mizwrite said...

The girlfriend probably has ZERO sense of humor or charm, which you have in spades ... :)

I'll join you on the weight-loss journey. ... Sort of ... I'm hoping this will be the year I lose the 20 pounds (minimum) I've been saying I'd lose for the last 5 years. ...

Phoenix said...

This post made me laugh so hard, but then, that's nothing new when I read your blog - you are so damn hilarious.

I think an actress friend of mine was actually on "I didn't know I was pregnant" because they use actors to reenact everything.

Here's to hoping you hit all your goals (weight-loss or otherwise) and make your ex's new girl paranoid with your new-found happiness and self love.

kys said...

I hate to have my picture taken. I tell everyone I'm Amish.

I'm down with the LIB challenge, too. Good luck to us all!

Lindsay Rudolph said...

Best of luck to you on your weight loss venture. Stay positive and set small goals on your way to the big goal. That's what helped me stay motivated to lose 50 pounds after having my daughter 1-1/2 years ago. You can do it!
Love your blog...I'll be back to visit again!

matron said...

I have reached that age where you spread in the middle,arms,legs,neck and face thin,but the middle won't move.I walk miles to no avail and can not do exercises because of bad back problems.I don't over eat or drink,so do not know how to remedy my problem,but good luck with your slimming efforts.

St Jude said...

Well I just popped over to say thank you for dropping by. I love your blog and I'll be back. Good luck with the diet, but remember to be kind to yourself.

Nezzy said...

This Ozark gal...soooo not French. I find that running wild~eye cattle and doin' chores in sub~zero weather keep me fit. Just think of all the calories I burned yesterday morn' when it was ten below! I couldn't feel my dang fingers but hey, it all balances out!

Have a great day and good luck on the diet!

Harlem's A Hatin said...

My best wishes go to you and your diet. I'm doing the same thing right now and I am on day 2. I have 50 pounds to lose also, it's hard, but I know I'll feel better in the long run. Keep up the good work girl, you can do it!

ethelmaepotter! said...

Good luck; maybe your success will inspire me!