Sunday, September 6, 2009

Abbie Something...Abbie Normal

Are you normal?

Have you ever taken an IQ test? I have. Once a long, long, long time ago. My room mate's boyfriend was going to school to be a shrinkalyzer. Well, actually a psychologist, a school psychologist. He was so sarcastic and such a smart ass and back then I was hopelessly naive and gullible...even in my 20s. Yes. I admit it. When you are naive, people love to yank your chain because you fall for it every time.

Anyway, he needed people to take an IQ test for part of his thesis or some such crapola...I don't remember now why, but he had already suckered a bunch of other people into taking the test. We are sitting around his apartment, drinking. He had made shark for dinner and the smell was seriously nasty. Alcohol was a great nose disinfectant. He waited until I was tipsy and asked me to take his damn test. I hate taking tests...I hate feeling inadequate and stupid. I was quite sure I was a freak and some test one day would figure me out. (It takes experience to realize EVERYONE is a freak.)

But being drunk and feeling brave, I agree to put my brains to the test. He pulls out his briefcase and pulls out big flash cards and test papers and his pen for marking my results. Ummm, shit. He did analogies, he asked about famous sayings and what did I think they meant. You know, like what does the saying "Still waters run deep" mean. And for some reason, I am flying through this test. This is fun. I am thinking to myself who cares what the results are, I can blame getting a Forrest Gump IQ on wicked wine. He picks up the flash cards and he says to tell as quickly as I can what is wrong with each picture. He has about 25 cards or so. That was so much fun. I FLY through this part of the test. I could do no wrong. And at this point he is getting mad. He is looking seriously peeved. He slams them down, looks at me and says, "You've taken this test before haven't you!?" He is mad.

And being the hopelessly gullible gob I was....I freeze up. I knew it. I'm a freak. He asks me to memorize a series of 7 numbers and then do it backwards. I am seriously hyperventilating now. Seven numbers! Yikes. My happy buzz is gone. I have no idea what the rest of the test was like. . But Mr. Sarcastic is happy now. He looks all satisfied and pleased with himself. What a prick. But a small part of me is so pleased that I managed to get his underpants all twisted up. I finally cracked his smart ass facade.

I finish his damn test and we sit around waiting for him to tally the results...and it comes back at 126. And to let you know how gullible and moronic I really am, I believed that was really my IQ for years. I call that my Thunderbird Wine IQ score now. I figure I need to have a Jack Daniels IQ score and maybe a chocolate coma IQ score and perhaps a caffeine induced frenzy score.

He went on to be the principal of a school. But I bet my Thunderbird Wine score was higher than his score.


Southern Sage said...

funny stuff!

I have taken 2 that I recall both when my kids started school, they test them upon entry and then some during the years and ask if the parents want to take it.

@eloh said...

Yeah...I've taken more than one. I'm okay, the military "runs" on those scores. 80 is a legal moron....the Army and Marines take turns putting them on the front lines.

Lori E said...

I did a t.v. IQ test one time with my eldest son who is brilliant if I do say so myself. He and I are a little competitive so when it came to the end he was a couple points ahead of me and was starting his victory dance when the tester said if you are over 40 add 3 points and I beat him by one point. I am also a better dancer than he is. Snork.

p.s. I saw your comment at Eloh's and if you need a little help to get the family tree going just let me know. That is what I do. Maybe I can point you in the right direction. I have access to a lot of records.

MJ said...

You make me want to take an IQ test. It sounds like fun. But I'll never let a bozo like the one who administered your test administer mine. Bozos are bozos.

ethelmaepotter said...

Somebody at work one time had an IQ TEST book, and three of us took the thing. Even though we all did surprisingly well, I beat the other two by a very narrow margin, which left Somebody miffed and me rather perplexed and dismayed, as Somebody and his friend were not...shall we say...the brightest bulbs in the pack. Not actually dim, but I'd just always thought I'd shone a lot brighter. Somebody spent the next few days bragging to all our coworkers that he'd almost beaten me on an IQ test, until Somebody's friend confessed that he and Somebody had studied the answers before taking the thing!
Great post, and I'm thoroughly enjoying your blog.

Jeanne said...

What a tool. People like that shouldn't be in positons of authority where they can use their small mindedness to control otehrs. Grrrrrr...

And seriously, who cares what your IQ is? I for one would rather know someone who is kind and thoughtful AND intelligent than just a smart jerk.

And I bet your score was better than his!

Daddy Papersurfer said...

I quite like IQ tests but I don't believe that they have much meaning ..... now goddesses! - much more meaningful and certainly a test trying to work out what they are about - tee hee

MaryRC said...

i quite afraid of iq tests, totally abbie normal!

Happy Hour...Somewhere said...

@sage...The same IQ test as your kids?? That would be funny unless they scored higher. Hopefully the results would not go on your permanent record. square pegs in round holes, huh? I bet the military is good at shaping people...look at the strange building they have as headquarters.

@lori e...HAHAHA. I love it, getting points for being over 40 rocks. We have a family member right now doing all kinds of research. I'll have to check to see what she is doing.

@ethelmaepotter...I have taken those tests a lot and I score well on those, except for the 3 dimensional questions. You know, where they make you visualize a shape by only looking at it all flattened out and your only clues are solid and perforated lines. If my life depended on it, I'm not sure I could do that. Or the gear and pulley questions, forget it.

@jeanne...that is what I always figured all these years that he fudged the score. He really did not like me and he was super peeved during that test. In my imagination, I scored high. It's funny though, the older I get and the more "smart" people I know, I realize just how stupid they can be. Witness the Masters of the Universe who ran the economy into toilet. I'm pretty sure they had some high falutin' degrees from foilage-draped institutions!

@daddy papersurfer...I think I would probably enjoy taking an IQ test now because you're right, I'm not sure just how meaningful they are. I have a feeling your Terrible Goddess will keep you guessing for years! They do say that is good for the little gray cells though.