Sunday, September 6, 2009
Are you normal?
Have you ever taken an IQ test? I have. Once a long, long, long time ago. My room mate's boyfriend was going to school to be a shrinkalyzer. Well, actually a psychologist, a school psychologist. He was so sarcastic and such a smart ass and back then I was hopelessly naive and gullible...even in my 20s. Yes. I admit it. When you are naive, people love to yank your chain because you fall for it every time.
Anyway, he needed people to take an IQ test for part of his thesis or some such crapola...I don't remember now why, but he had already suckered a bunch of other people into taking the test. We are sitting around his apartment, drinking. He had made shark for dinner and the smell was seriously nasty. Alcohol was a great nose disinfectant. He waited until I was tipsy and asked me to take his damn test. I hate taking tests...I hate feeling inadequate and stupid. I was quite sure I was a freak and some test one day would figure me out. (It takes experience to realize EVERYONE is a freak.)
But being drunk and feeling brave, I agree to put my brains to the test. He pulls out his briefcase and pulls out big flash cards and test papers and his pen for marking my results. Ummm, shit. He did analogies, he asked about famous sayings and what did I think they meant. You know, like what does the saying "Still waters run deep" mean. And for some reason, I am flying through this test. This is fun. I am thinking to myself who cares what the results are, I can blame getting a Forrest Gump IQ on wicked wine. He picks up the flash cards and he says to tell as quickly as I can what is wrong with each picture. He has about 25 cards or so. That was so much fun. I FLY through this part of the test. I could do no wrong. And at this point he is getting mad. He is looking seriously peeved. He slams them down, looks at me and says, "You've taken this test before haven't you!?" He is mad.
And being the hopelessly gullible gob I was....I freeze up. I knew it. I'm a freak. He asks me to memorize a series of 7 numbers and then do it backwards. I am seriously hyperventilating now. Seven numbers! Yikes. My happy buzz is gone. I have no idea what the rest of the test was like. . But Mr. Sarcastic is happy now. He looks all satisfied and pleased with himself. What a prick. But a small part of me is so pleased that I managed to get his underpants all twisted up. I finally cracked his smart ass facade.
I finish his damn test and we sit around waiting for him to tally the results...and it comes back at 126. And to let you know how gullible and moronic I really am, I believed that was really my IQ for years. I call that my Thunderbird Wine IQ score now. I figure I need to have a Jack Daniels IQ score and maybe a chocolate coma IQ score and perhaps a caffeine induced frenzy score.
He went on to be the principal of a school. But I bet my Thunderbird Wine score was higher than his score.
Posted by Happy Hour...Somewhere at 7:57 AM