Friday, September 18, 2009

When All Else Fails, Dust with a Mouse Butt

Another week at Casa de Hermit. I have to clean the house....again. This is getting ridiculous. Nephew is turning 13 tomorrow. A teenager.  Family coming to stay with me. Tried to pick up clutter and ended up dragging the mouse booty across my mantel when I was trying to pick him up. I figured since he was doing such a bang up job, I let his sorry butt finish the job.

But now I get to watch my know-it-all brother cope. I remember his words of wisdom when my oldest was in high school and I had just chaperoned my first high school dance (and last). I was telling him how the kids bunch up to hide what is going on in the middle, but there were kids "dancing" on the outside and I'm not sure what you would call it other than humping but there it is. Campus supervisors have to be the most underpaid people on the planet. (And sometimes the crabbiest people I have ever met. Go figure.) They go wading into the middle and break it up...whatever it is. They are like cops when it comes to story telling.

What caught my eyes? Girl and guy dancing, well, I guess you call it dancing. And behind the girl was another guy grinding on her and behind the guy dancing was another girl grinding on him. A veritable choo choo train of teenage MTV porn. If you weren't hot and bothered before that, that cinched the deal. Tila Tequila in action. I wish someone had gotten a picture of all the newbie parents chaperoning. I'm sure we would have fit right in a yokel family picture.

My 14-year-old daughter is going to school here?!!! His comment to me? Well, better they do it there than somewhere else. What part of moronic did he not get? Where does he think they were going after the dance? To confession? Yes, I got my lesson in teenage madness much sooner than I anticipated. 

It is amazing what you learn when you have to. I wish I had learned sooner that humor is the best thing you have going for you with your kids. And they really do want some rules. And listening. Listening. Listening. 

Ah, me. I always said that the only thing holding up my kid's halo was her horns.

I also learned to bite my tongue. Maybe that's why I blog now. No one understands me when I talk now. 

I can't wait to tease my nephew tomorrow. Do you think my brother would appreciate a gift of condoms? Go Trojans! Which reminds me...I am pretty much sucking at Fantasy Football.


ethelmaepotter! said...

Oh my! I know exactly the "dance" you're describing. When the television world went digital earlier this year, the Post Office where I work was too cheap to buy converter boxes for our breakroom tv, so we are now stuck between watching STATIC or a local Spanish network. Don't ask me why this one channel comes in perfectly, but it does, and we are all learning quite a few Spanish words. (Private Benjamin and Crocodile Dundee were HILARIOUS in Espanol!) Anyway, I saw that "dance" one night on some kind of talk/entertainment show, and I just sat there with my mouth gaping open in shock. Just like you said, a vitual choo choo train of simulated sex. OMG!
Good luck, Sweetie!

@eloh said...

So, you post a photo of "dirty mouse butt" to get us into the "mood"?

Kids...nothing I can add.

Aunt Juicebox said...

Holy crap. I hate being the mother of a 16 yr old girl. It's the scariest thing EVER.

TC said...

I saw the girl boy girl girl hunching dance thing like a month ago, had a marvelous time till the crown hit, but I haven't recovered from the sight of that "dancing" yet.