Monday, September 14, 2009

The Ten Things My Muse Hates About Me

The lovely Tetanus Tomato awarded me the "Honest Scrap" award~!  I have to write 10 things about me. Wait. I just checked her blog. It has to be ten HONEST things about me. Honest?  I had to call on my muse for this one but since my Book Babe buddy, Thia Karen, gave me a shiny new cocktail shaker and a new bottle of Jack, my muse is inebriated. I figure I'm lucky to have a muse altogether. It is probably like the angel in It's A Wonderful Life. You know, trying to earn his muse wings so he can go to a real writer. 

I wish I knew what my muse looks like. I know it's a guy though. I imagine him as James Belushi.

On to the ten things about me...honest things about me....

1.   I think I'm pretty smart.  

You know, if eye rolling were an Olympic sport, my muse would get a gold medal and kick Michael Phelps' ass.

What? Do you have something to say? 

You said you were going to be honest. Should we tell these fine people how you really got into the honors program in high school? 

Go away. Your drink is looking a little watery. 

Tut. Tut. Those scantron tests are so pretty, aren't they? Especially when you fill in all those cute little bubbles with a pretty pattern. What is you did? Wasn't ABCD, then DCBA, and then...

Shut up. Don't you have a sonnet to inspire someone with? Oh, wait. You're stuck with me until you fix me up. Perhaps you should cheat. Does that ringing the bell thing work for muses, too? Maybe every time someone hits enter, a muse gets his wings and moves on. 

Such sarcasm...those gray cells must be getting old and tired. Boy, you were sure surprised when you got in that program. 

Can we go on to number 2 now?

2.  I wanna be a geek.

Wanna be? 

Hey, there must have been a good reason The Powers That Be put you with me, buddy.

3.  I didn't dust my living room coffee table for a whole year. 
That was so inspirational, too.
Inspirational? Did it remind you of a dear departed one? 
Oooohh...testy, testy. No, I just love stick figures. Cezanne tended to over your head. I figure you would think of it like an Etch-A-Sketch. You got some of your best ideas from those dust stick figures.

4.  My daughter wanted me to go on the show "How Do I Look?" You know, where you dress really stupid and they tear you apart, make fun of you, then give you $5000 for a new wardrobe. 

Ha, ha. My best inspiration yet. Yep, that was a good one.

YOU put her up to that? Did you also make her say it in front Killdozer? That was just mean. 

She had to get even for you embarrassing her when you were talking sex with your friends in front of them.

*sigh* I guess turnabout is fair play. 

5.   I love music but can never remember who sings what or the names of the songs....nothing. 

Teddy Bear loves to make fun of you. Didn't you just ask her who Liv Tyler's dad was? HAHAHA. She loved that one. 

So sue me. Metallica, right? 

Wait till I tell her that one. You confused Aerosmith with Metallica. You are going to lose all iTune privileges forever. 

She better be careful. I pay for most of her music.

6.  I love old musicals.

Wait, I know the perfect song, "Puzzlement." Good one, right? 

I really disliked West Side Story though. 

What?! You're not a Jet all the way? How the heck did I end up with you again?

You got hammered one day and they pushed you to the curb....where I picked you up. You were so cute with your little muse blankie. I don't think your fellow muses like you very much though. They had painted you kind of funny. 

7.  I am looking forward to the new Boondock Saints movie. 

You just want to drool. 

And your point is?  

8.  I love reading financial and political blogs. 


Are you trying out for the bass mouth fish award? I hear Kanye West needs a side kick. 

Are you kidding? His muse is the bomb...a legend. 

A legend? How can he possibly be a legend.

His muse works backwards...he inspires others. I mean, you loved that Fish Dicks South Park episode, right? Funny stuff. I hear Taylor Swift loves him. 

9.  I have an irrational fear of buttons. The thought of someone plunging their hand into a jar full of buttons gives me the creeps. 

Buttons? Buttons? Sorry, sorry. Zipping my lips now. 

10.  I love getting awards. 

Where are you going? You aren't done inspiring me yet.

Thank you Tetanus Tomato...that was fun. I have to pass this on to other bloggers, but I think every blogger I know has one.  I only follow the best you know. But here goes...

Thia Book Babe buddy with the most joyous and heartfelt blog around 

Tampons and Chocolate....when she blogs she is hilarious. You need to read her~!

The Doibie Journal....she is getting her first book published, so she has not written in awhile, but she is the best.

Life Right Now...fabulous writing, the best Laker sports stuff I've ever read, loves her prayer and her dog~! 

Here's to Honesty~!


ethelmaepotter! said...

Oh, this hilarious! But..."The thought of someone plunging their hand into a jar full of buttons gives me the creeps." Huh? I don't believe the thought of someone plunging their hand into a jar full of buttons has ever even entered my head. Methinks there is a hidden message here...

mizwrite said...

I don't know which I love more -- that your muse is inebriated or that he looks like Jim Belushi!!!! So funny!!! Great post ...

@eloh said...

Congrats...I love buttons.....

Aunt Juicebox said...

That was great!

L said...

I can vouch for really are smart! In more ways than one. I will take on the challenge in the next day or two and post 10 things about me...some may want to cover their eyes and ears!


i agree, you are smart, b/c your comments on my post were HILARIOUS - giving darth vadar something to read. i nearly wet myself.

i am also the same thing w/ music. also couldn't remember 'the dancing movie' that patrick swayze was in.

it's the kids i tell ya. they're sucking our brains dry!

Bill Stankus said...

I wish I had a muse ... I'd teach him to wash dishes and mow lawns. Maybe even show him how to get rid of spider webs in the workshop - but that's almost technical and supposedly muses aren't good with vacuums.

Karen Carter said...

You are smart...I wish I had a muse too...i love that you call me joyous...Sure blame the Jack Daniels on me we all know you have three more under the cabinet..Whats a boondocks movie? I really have to come up with 10 honest things? YIKES You are way more clever than me but I am going to try! Since you love my blog! See I can be bought Karen~