Thursday, October 8, 2009

How Big a Turd are You If You Embezzle from a Brownie?

No, really. Is there anything cuter than a troop full of Brownies? So cute. Missing teeth. Nonstop chatter. Endless enthusiasm. (Well, except for the high pitched screaming that all little girls are soooo good at.)

How big a floozy would you be if you embezzled all the cookie money? 

No really. The cookie money. It's only once a year that people get to fill their addiction for thin mints and shortbread....yummy. The little dickens go out there and harass, I mean, ask you to buy their cookies. Come on, it's once a year and for a good cause.

I have even been a cookie mom. Thousands of boxes of cookies in my living room, dining room, everywhere. Carbohydrate heaven. Fatty paradise.

I'll tell you. You would be the troop leader who is in the midst of divorcing her husband because, well, she is cheating on him and she needs money for the floozy red dress that matches the trailer she ends up living in.  And she steals the cookie money. 

I am trying to imagine her at the Pearly Gates. (I know I'm an agnostic...sheesh, play along.) How do you explain to St. Peter you stole cookie money from Brownies? I bet even the big guy orders cookies.

I think I would rather have Severus Snape practice his potions on me. 

I am so glad my girls are grown up and I don't have to volunteer anymore. No more grad night, Brownies, PTA, snack day, book fairs, back to school nights.... 

Am I rubbing it in too much?

*diabolical laughter*

Wait, wait. Does anyone know how to get a tattoo off? You know, the one that says sucker on my forehead? 

post signature


The Peach Tart said...

Still loving your new header and this post being a former brownie that sold the most cookies in my troop.

Southern Sage said...

Some folks just suck!

Carolyn...Online said...

So there will come a day when I don't have to volunteer anymore? Really? You promise?

Hillbilly Duhn said...

"I'm sorry St.Peter, it was because of the way he looks down at my breasts, he makes me feel so young and lively!" LOL! "Honestly, I didn't mean to steals."

ethelmaepotter! said...

Question: Where can you find a single brilliant blog post that includes Brownies, floozies, St. Peter, and Severus Snape?
Answer: Happy Hour...Somewhere!

Jeanne said...

I was bad mommy and only volunteered in my kids' classes. No PTA, no book fairs, no carnivals. Nada. Nyet. Negative. I'm happy to say I have no bad feelings about any of it, either! I know, call me evil, I can take it.

And Kat, you just need the repellent of "I-just-don't-care" to take the sucker stamp off the forehead! Be evil. Like me!

Secretia said...

I am glad all those girl scout cookies aren't in the house anymore to make my ass get fatter!