Monday, March 2, 2009

Fiddley Dee

Do you consider stuffing your lumpy midsection into a girdle as caving into misogyny and against all principles of feminism or is it a great invention? My sister-in-law said she was wearing a girdle the last time I saw her and she wasn't sure that was a good idea because of the muffin top and the incipient camel toe. I did not notice either one although I did not look too carefully for the latter.

Four years ago when my daughter was getting married, a whole herd of us women went dress shopping. Is there anything worse than shopping for a mother-of-the-bride dress? What is it with the long skirts and jackets? I am a sucker for sequins and sparkles but my daughter said no. I had planned on losing weight, but, well, you know how that goes. It was asking a lot to plan a wedding AND lose weight. I figured I might have to resort to a girdle but I was fighting it tooth and nail.

It was my mother and sister and daughters and aunts trying on dresses and girdles. My sister said there was no way she was going without a girdle so I let her be the guinea pig. I hate panty hose, I could not imagine wearing a girdle all day and all night. I figured the compression of all that fat had to be unhealthy in the long run. My sister picked a pretty black corset. We all were trying dresses on or sitting around giving bad advice on what to wear. Don't ever ask me; I have marginal taste at best. We could hear loud breathing and then finally a loud snort.

"Does it fit?" There was way too much laughter going on the dressing room to think this had a good outcome. "Yeah, it fits."

"How does it look?" Long silence.

"Well, if you want to look like a sausage this is the thing. It's pushing all the fat out the top which makes my boobs look weird and what's left is coming out the bottom."

Naive person that I am, I asked wasn't that the point of a girdle, to contain all the fat. She snorted and said the fat has to go SOMEWHERE.

I wore a loose dress on the day of the wedding. I'm no fool.


brabarella said...

Girdles are little different from bras. You may have to try several before you get the right fit. You shouldn't be getting a muffin-top if it's properly fitted, inlcluding looking at the firmness, and the rise of the garment. They tend to get a bad reputation because the average woman doesn't take the time to find the right fit and end up either discarding the girdle, or wearing it and feeling miserable.

Happy Hour...Somewhere said...

Damn. So where do you go to find that out? My SIL would be happy to know. Is it kind of like buying a bra too small so all the excess gets pushed out, so get a bigger cup? Firmness? Rise? Sigh. This learning to be a girly girl is going to be tough.

The Brabarella Blog said...

Chances are you have a specialty shop in your area where you could be properly fitted. In our area (Massachusetts) we have a chain of stores called "Lady Grace." In the old days the fitters were called corsetieres. If you do look for and find one in your area, it also wouldn't hurt to be properly fitted for a bra, as supposedly, much more than half of us are going around wearing the wrong size bra.

Jeanne said...

*Wants her own corsetiere for Christmas* Dude. If I could find someone to help me get a bra that actually fits the shape of my boobs (so dang wide - grrrrrrr) I would be in heaven. Seriously. And in terms of the girdle, well - I am all in favor of it, baby. Slap that puppy on and pull it up! BTW, loved the picture I got of the dressing room debacle! I probably would have been on the floor laughing my butt off!

Happy Hour...Somewhere said...

That was a fun day shopping for sure. We were laughing so hard, I almost peed myself. I know you would have fun if you went with us. It is the only way I go shopping because it is really not shopping, it is hanging with family and friends and looking for the next place to eat.

Did you ever see the Oprah show on how to find a bra that fits? I hear it was pretty good. A girdle sounds so confining it is giving me the shudders as I type.