Sunday, March 22, 2009

Tortured by Twilight

You know it's bad when the parodies are better than the movie. I loved the books. I read the first two in a weekend and would have read the third one but I had to run to the store to get it and I did not want to put the first two down until I was done and then it was too late to make it to the store. When Breaking Dawn came out, I read it in about 8 hours. Get it? I am a fan of the books. One of those weird mom types who loved it. So go ahead. Bash away.

It was romantic and slightly edgy and had sex in it without really having sex in it. Let's face it, Bella was one horny girl. They were great fun to read. My sister-in-law asked me once which I liked better, the Harry Potter series or the Twilight series. If I HAD to pick, I would say Harry Potter. J.K. Rowling created a whole new world with its own landscape and rules and different kinds of creatures. I so want to believe that Harry Potter is still out there becoming a great wizard and that his story is not finished yet. Rowling is such a diva though. Sigh. Twilight is a love story. Love stories are great. Girl meets boy. Boy meets girl. They fall in love, then tragedy or separation or something happens. They overcome obstacles, even great lapses in time, and then they are together. Edward and Bella have nothing on Jane Eyre and Rochester, Darcy and Lizzy.

I wanted so much to like the movie but, alas, was screwed. First of all, the author sold the rights to a second rate studio. What was she thinking? Meyers should have held out for a better studio, infinitely better director, better script. You also know you are trouble when the author is too helpful in the making of the movie. They should have thrown her ass off that set.

I bought the movie last night on DVD. Spent $17 hard earned dollars on it. Now I could really figure out if I liked it or not. There are many movies I have learned to love after seeing it more than once--"Love Actually" leaps to mind. But now I know this is a terrible movie, right up there with every bad B movie I have ever seen.

Not to pick on people with Parkinson's or anything, but does Kristen Stewart have a tremor or something? I wanted to squeeze her frickin' head and keep it still. In the book, Bella is a klutz, not a damn weenie so scared she is shaking in her boots and quivering all over. And Edward. Jeez, the scene where he gets a whiff of her in the classroom for the first time. Cut. Take two. Get it right for god's sake. He looks like he wants to barf like he has just smelled something atrocious the cat dragged in. An underlying theme running through the book is how attracted they are to each other, not repelled. Her scent should be so intoxicating he can think of nothing else but getting some of that. And he is not so supposed to be a weenie either. I wanted to squeeze his damn head between my hands and tell him to stop ducking his chin like he was preparing for a blow.

The rest of the characters were for the most part B movie quality. Jasper looks like a wide-eyed puppet character. If someone said 'Boo', I think he might have shit his pants. Rosalie and Emmett? Yikes.

I give this movie half a star. I mean I did like Charlie and Jacob.


Karen Carter said...

Ok i am going to watch and see if I like it more than the book.And let you know if I too want to squeeze her head off. i think today we might go see Love that man? it is getting good reviews so far. Well have great day love Karen the VIRGO

Karen Carter said...

ok you brat you cut me off too? Casey I can see...but moi?
You better follow me again i am following you twice :)

Happy Hour...Somewhere said...

HAHAHA. You are quite possibly the only one who ever notices that stuff~! I LOVE you. xxooxx I banished my SISTER-IN-LAW and she still has not noticed~! Us Virgos need to stick together.

Jeanne said...

*Is also a Virgo*

I hated the movie. I confess, I didn't read the books but I have a teenager and she filled me in somewhat. She made me go see the movie with her and wow. There was nothing about it that moved me, even in the slightest. Bet you wish you had the seventeen back!

Happy Hour...Somewhere said...

I am glad to know you did not read the book and still did not like it because I figured maybe it was because I had read the books and so my expectations were too high. I thought the books were great fun and worth reading. The best kind of book to read by the pool or at the beach.

I cannot wait to get another update on your new job~!

ethelmaepotter! said...

Another Virgo here.

With 30 minutes for computer time today, I saw you had visited my blog and stopped by here to thank you. I have now spent my entire 30 minutes reading various stories on your blog! This one I could not agree with more. I have a 20-something year-old friend who MADE me read the books, which, yes, I loved. (But Harry's INFINITELY better.) Then she MADE me see the movie, sucked. Good grief, what were they thinking? Edward was so much better looking as Cedric Diggory, the doomed Goblet of Fire participant. And Bella...I thought the movie was about vampires, not ZOMBIES. I forced myself to watch the entire fumbled mess, but I am not looking forward to the November day when I have promised my aforementioned friend that I will accompany here to see part II.

Signing up to follow. Thanks for introducing me to this fabulous site!

Happy Hour...Somewhere said...

@ethelmaepotter...What an awesome compliment...thanks~! I am so glad you agree about the movie, it was agony for me. I have to be careful because my sister and her son (!) loved it. Thankfully they will not drag me out to see it in November.

I love Saturdays because that is when I go read all the archives...and I can't wait to start reading yours.

thanks for the follow~! Isn't blogging fun?